either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
