Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
