Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
