Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
