im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
