he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
