Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
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