gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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