i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
