Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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