WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
