i permit you to call me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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