did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
