Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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