my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
