thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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