is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
