I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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