What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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