White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
