My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him