everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.