Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
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I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important