You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better