I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
