yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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