When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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