Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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