You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
