i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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