There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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