Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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