it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
