drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
