yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
