omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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