I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
