New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
