I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
