I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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