I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I need moral support for this bender
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
