i barfeds in our rink
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
