Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
