It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
