did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
