I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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