Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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