3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
