I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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