apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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