1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
