In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Tell her she can't have a vagina
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
