You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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