i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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