Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
