I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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