My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
