You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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