Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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