I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
