He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
