Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
