i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
