I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
