The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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