I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
