UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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