Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
