I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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