Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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