He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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