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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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