I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
