Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
