love makes seman taste better
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he laminated a picture of his dick.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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