summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
