Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
