just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
