I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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