I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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