I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
